Rape Crisis Information
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Rape Crisis Information pathfinder- hotlines, crisis centers and sexual assault research
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Homepage|Research|Crisis Information|Hotlines
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Rape Crisis Information Pathfinder Research |
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This website has information on how to heal from the trauma of rape and sexual assault.
Do you need help now? Call 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
| Hotlines | Rape Crisis Centers | Online support groups | Suicide hotlines |
| Victim Blame | How to help rape victims | Rape Crisis websites | Research |
The
first thing you should know if you were raped or sexually assaulted
is that it was not your fault. For local rape crisis hotlines click
here or scroll down. You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline,
operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day at 1-800-656-HOPE
(4673) or you can search
for your local rape crisis center or hotlines. Sometimes local hotline
operators are more relaxed and have more time to talk. Feel free to
request to speak to a woman. Message boards are recommended as a good
first step if you are not ready to talk. There is also emergency information
on self injury, suicide and reaching out. For information on ptsd, ocd,
date rape drugs and other related topics scroll down. Basic hotlines:Rape Crisis 1.800.656.HOPE (4673), Self Injury 1.800.DON'T.CUT (366-8288), Suicide Hotline 1.800.SUICIDE (784.2433), Domestic Violence 1.800.799.SAFE (7233), Gay & Lesbian 1.800.THE.GLNH (843.4564) |
| Research | Crisis Information |
About the Rape Crisis Pathfinder Return to menu
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This pathfinder is for rape victims and their loved ones who are trying to heal and seeking resources to do so. Most rape victims suffer from ptsd, ocd and eating disorders. This pathfinder was created by the researcher as a graduate student in the MLS program (Library Science) at UNC Chapel Hill. Scope: This pathfinder covers international rape crisis resources and research with a focus on the United States. This includes crisis information pages on North Carolina and Louisiana. Subjects dealt with are rape and sexual assault research and rape crisis resources. The research section includes: journal articles, statistics, reference resources, victim blame research, films, bibliographies and online research tools and databases. The crisis resources include international rape crisis center directories, information on health and the psychological effects of rape, date rape drugs, LGBT sexual assault, male sexual assault victims, victim assistance / legal resources, war and rape and online support groups. The catagories of resources are based on an analysis of the information needs of the online rape survivor community for a collection development research project. A third project on how to communicate the mind set of rape trauma syndrome (PTSD, OCD and panic attacks) via images and text was completed as well. The bulk of the information is found under online resources based in part on the need for privacy for assault survivors. The most up to date and useful sources also tend to be online. The biographies are also a good source of healing and catharsis. What happens to a person in the aftermath of rape can make all the difference in the amount of post traumatic stress disorder one suffers in years to follow. Resources change quickly in a world of date rape drugs and general ignorance by the mainstream. You are not alone. The more you understand about what you are going through the more quickly the sharpness will become softer. Many other people have experienced this trauma and what they have learned can help guide you in your healing path. This website is divided into two catagories: I Rape and Sexual Assault Research II Rape Crisis Information- health and diversity and hotlines The research resources are primarily reference books and online resources. The Crisis resources are largely online for privacy and convenience.
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Books, Journal articles and ResearchReturn to menu
Websites about Sexual Assault
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Encyclopedias, Dictionaries and Reference books on Rape and Sexual Assault.
Online Dictionaries
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/mplusdictionary.html http://www.m-w.com/ http://www.bartleby.com/61/ Center for Disease Control operational definition of sexual assault http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/wisqars/nonfatal/definitions.htm#assault-sex This help file section provides in-depth definitions of the terms used to represent data elements in statistics for the causes of death or injury for WISQARS. Sexual Assault injuries (nonfatal) for 2003 per 100,000 people totaled 73,834 according to the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control.
Encyclopedias are good place to start research on any topic. They give a general overview of the subject and are a starting point to research more specific aspects. For the topic of rape and sexual assault online Encyclopedias generally have more up to date information than paper based resources. http://www.ncwiseowl.org/ To access Groliers Online Encyclopedia free of charge- just click on Encyclopedia and then text only version (pop up window) and type in search term rape. It is the top return. This entry is one of the best overviews for the topic of rape that I have found. It covers recent aspects (date rape) as well as the history of rape in our society. It includes the concept that women are a legal possession of their spouse or father, information on date rape drugs such as rohypnol and ghb and the Bosnia rape trials. §
Medline Plus Medical Encyclopedia
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001955.htm
Medline is a reliable source of medical and statistical information. "According to most estimates, 80-90% of rapes are not reported to authorities. Current trends project that 1 in 3 American women will be sexually assaulted at some point during her life. "
§ http://www.bartleby.com/65/ra/rape3.html
The Columbia encyclopedia. Sixth edition, 2001-04
This entry for the definition of rape in law covers most of the current issues in sexual assault. Some of those are date rape, proof of injury, feminism's role in improving victim resources and rape as a war crime. Free to the public.
§ Funk and Wagnalls New World Encyclopedia
This online source is much more satisfactory than most paper based entries for rape. § http://www.lib.unc.edu/reference/quick/ Primarily free online resources such as dictionaries, thesauri and encyclopedias from UNC Chapel Hill. § Evaluation of the Groliers and Funk & Wagnalls online Encyclopedias:
Both Online Encyclopedias were much more thorough than the paper based counterparts. There were two returns each for the term rape. Subjects covered were generally the definition of rape, statutory rape, recent statistics on rape, the history of the issue, International law regarding Bosnia trials, and the previously unmentioned category of date rape and date rape drugs. The primary difference between the two online encyclopedias is that Grolier's is much more comprehensive than Funk and Wagnalls. Both carry the same tone and mention feminism and its fight to improve conditions and rights of rape victims. Funk and Wagnall's statistics report that a rape is reported in the US every 6 minutes. It also mentions that in court "for the crime to constitute rape, the victim must resist, unless he or she is incapable of resistance because of mental or physical weakness or deterred by fear of bodily harm." Grolier's takes it a step further by explaining the history of rape in terms of underlying assumptions by our society. "The origin of rape laws can be traced to the once-wide spread belief that women were the property of men. A female was considered first the property of her father. Because her virginity was valued as her principal asset, rape was considered a theft. Once a woman was married, she belonged to her husband. Rape then was treated as a crime against the husband's exclusive sexual rights to her. Because marriage gave these rights to the husband, legally, it was not possible for him to rape his own wife." This statement points to flaws in the criminal justice system. The author of this site's general conclusion is that rape victims and researchers can get better information from internet resources that allow modern ideas on the subject to easily be expressed and updated.
Paper based Encyclopedias
§ Encyclopedia of Rape
Smith, M. D. (2004). Encyclopedia of Rape. USA: Greenwood Press. HV6558 .E53 2004 Davis, UL, Law Reference
"Book Description-
§ World Book Encyclopedia Macdonals, John (1993). World Book Encyclopedia. United States of America: World Book Inc.
"94,000 rapes were reported in 1989… But officials estimate that the actual number of rapes committed may be 10 times the number reported." -W. B. Encyclopedia. World Book goes into detail regarding the overall failure of the justice system and how that occurs. Some examples are the fact that only 2% of rapists are convicted due to difficulty proving the attack. In some instances proof that the victim struggled is required. World Book includes information relating all this demand for proof with intimidation in regards to reporting rape. It is also stated that defense attorneys try to prove the lack of the victim's morals. §
Both of the Encyclopedias covered the following topics:
§ The Encyclopedia of Child Abuse Clarke, Robin & Clarke, Julia. (2001). The Encyclopedia of child abuse 2nd edition. New York: Facts on File.
Davis Reference HV6626.5.C57 2001 UL Reference HV6626.5. C57 2001. § Encyclopedia of criminology Wright , R., & Miller, M. (2005). Encyclopedia of criminology. New York: Routledge. HV6017 .E5295 2005 Davis Ref § Encyclopedia of feminist literature Whitson, Kathy J. (2004). Encyclopedia of feminist literature. Westport, Conn. : Greenwood Press PN471 .W455 2004 Davis Ref Search terms: Andrea Dworkin (take back the day), rape crisis centers, 1970s womens movement § Violence in America : an encyclopedia Gottesman, Ronald., Brown, Richard Maxwell. (1999). Violence in America : an encyclopedia. New York : Charles Scribner's Sons HN90.V5 V5474 1999 Davis Ref, HSL Ref § The encyclopedia of violence : origins, attitudes, consequences DiCanio, Margaret. (1993). The encyclopedia of violence : origins, attitudes, consequences. New York : Facts on File HM291 .D4857 1993 Davis Ref, UL Ref, HSL books § Encyclopedia of sex and gender : men and women in the world's cultures Ember, Carol R., Ember, Melvin. (2003). Encyclopedia of sex and gender : men and women in the world's cultures. New York : Kluwer Academic/Plenum Publishers HQ16 .E53 2003 Davis Ref § Sexuality and the law : an encyclopedia of major legal cases Leonard, Arthur S. (1993). Sexuality and the law : an encyclopedia of major legal cases. New York : Garland Pub KF9325.A7 L46 1993 Davis Ref, Law Stacks § Encyclopedia of psychology Kazdin, Alan E. (2000). Encyclopedia of psychology. Washington, D.C. : American Psychological Association ; Oxford ; New York : Oxford University Press BF 31 E563 2000 Davis Ref, UL Ref, HSL Ref Search terms: Rape trauma syndrome, Post traumatic stress disorder, Obessive compulsive disorder, Dissociative identity disorder
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Biographies of rape survivors How
to purchase healing books - search at your
local library first.
If the library doesn't have what you are looking for you can suggest that
they purchase it or ask for the book through interlibrary loan. You can
also order it online from www.amazon.com. Each
citation is followed by the opening lines of the first chapter. I thought
this would give the reader a feel for the tone and content of the book.
They are listed in order of priority. § Pierce-Baker, Charlotte. (1998). Surviving the silence : Black women's stories of rape . New York : W.W. Norton. Davis HV6561 .P54 1998 UL HV6561 .P54 1998
§ Francisco, Patricia Weaver. (1999). Telling : a memoir of rape and recovery . New York : Cliff Street Books.
Also available through interlibrary loan from D.H. Hill library (through the consortium) - ask for it at the circulation desk.
This is the story of one womans experience with rape. The author is a life long writer sharing her experience of a rape which took place ten years earlier. She explores the sociological as well as personal issues dealt with in coming to terms with her experiences. The text also deals with disclosure to family members and the healing qualities of telling your story. The subjects dealt with are rape victims Psychology, rehabilitation, and Self-disclosure. § Sebold, Alice. (1999). Lucky. New York: Scribner.
The above quote refers to a police officer telling the author she was lucky not to have been killed like the previous victim raped in the same location. The book deals with the topics of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and the victim's subsequent heroin addiction resulting from her pain. It is told with considerable wit and candor. § Raine, Nancy Venable . (1998). After silence : rape and my journey back . New York : Crown Publishers. Davis HV6561 .R33 1998 UL HV6561 .R33 1998
This book is an account of a five year journey made by a survivor of stranger rape. It also explains the process of healing therapy with her Doctor.
"It's as if a deep wound, long buried, has been laid open."
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It's very difficult for survivors to concentrate on reading when they are in crisis. From personal experience I have found it much more effective to listen to books on tape. The site below allows you to order tapes online. You can also find audio books at your local library for free. Guide to audio books you can order online.
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Books on healing and research on rape and sexual assault How to find books on healing - Search for the book at your local library first. If the library doesn't have what you are looking for you can suggest that they purchase it or ask for the book through interlibrary loan. You can also order it online from www.amazon.com. Sexual Assault Books at UNC Chapel Hill -resource guide from the women's center
A list of healing books by a survivor How to purchase books on healing
Guide to self help books for rape survivors I know it's very difficult for survivors to concentrate on reading when they are in crisis. From personal experience I have found it much more effective to listen to books on tape. The site below allows you to order tapes online. You can also find audio books at your local library for free. Guide to audio books you can order online. Audio books for survivors - Just enter the term rape into the search box and press enter. You can download samples.
Books available at UNC Chapel Hill are listed below I have provided quotes from some of the texts available to give the general tone of the work. ~ Lalumiere [et Al.]., M. L. (2005). The causes of rape : Understanding individual differences in male propensity for sexual aggression 1st ed. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association. HV6558 .C38 2005 Davis - review General background on the subject (the history of rape) as well as identifying and making sense of individual differences and Implications. This text covers the rape of Nanking and the Russian use of rape in Berlin as a matter of policy. It also dicusses the relationship of pornography with rape. ~ Ledray,
Linda . (1986). Recovering from rape . New York : H. Holt. ~
~ Care and treatment for rape victims ~ Pagaduan Lopez, Pearson, Nancy L., June & Cunningham, Margaret. (1998). Recipes for healing : gender-sensitive care for women survivors of torture. Quezon City: University of the Philippines. Davis HV6250.4.W65 R42 1998
~ Schnicke,
Monica K & Resick, Patricia A.. (1993). Cognitive processing therapy
for rape victims : a treatment manual. Newbury Park, Calif.: Sage Publications.
~ Girshick,
Lori B.. (2002). Woman-to-woman sexual violence : does she call it rape?
. Boston: Northeastern University Press.
This book deals with a topic relatively new in the arena of sexual violence: Sexually abused lesbians and violence in the lesbian community.
~ Bergen, Raquel Kennedy . (1998). Issues in intimate violence. Thousand
Oaks: Sage Publications. This book deals with Violence, Family violence, Sex crimes and Child sexual abuse. ~ Beck,
James R. & Kroeger, Catherine Clark . (1996). Women, abuse, and the
Bible : how Scripture can be used to hurt or to help. Grand Rapids, Mich:
Baker Books. This book addresses the role religious beliefs play in the lives of victims and perpetrators of sexual abuse and domestic violence. “As I have listened to people in my clinical practice and interviewed hundreds of others for various research projects, I have come to identify certain religious beliefs that I believe are related to the abuse of women.” ~ Bevacqua, Maria. (2000). Rape on the public agenda : feminism and the politics of sexual assualt. Boston: Northeastern University Press. DavisHV6561
.B49 2000 ~ Buchwald,
Emilie & Fletcher, Pamela R. Roth, Martha . (1993). Transforming a
rape culture . Minneapolis, MN : Milkweed Editions.
Find professional and customer reviews of books at Amazon.com. You can pay online and have them shipped to you. If you buy new books and your total is over $25 the shipping is often free. Also check your local library online catalog. Questia onine library search on "rape" Research on rape is available online through Questia, the worlds largest online library. You can get a free preview of various titles.
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Rape and Sexual Assault Statistics
http://www.rainn.org/statistics.html Guide to Statistics from AARDVARK http://www.aardvarc.org/statistics.shtml Sexual Violence statistics from National Center for Injury Prevention and Control http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/factsheets/svfacts.htm http://www.census.gov/prod/www/statistical-abstract-04.html Statistics from the FBI - uniform crime reporting http://www.fbi.gov/ucr/03cius.htm Statistics on intimate crime from the Bureau of Justice http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/cvict_c.htm#relate Find statistics on rape at the Bureau of Justice web site- Reporting to Police and Medical Attention http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/abstract/rsarp00.htm http://virlib.ncjrs.org/Statistics.asp#R General Statistics - The gateway to statistics from over 100 US federal agencies. http://www.fedstats.gov Find statistics on various types of crime in the US http://www.lib.umich.edu/govdocs/stsoc.html#crime http://www.lib.umich.edu/govdocs/stsoc.html#intlcrime http://www.lib.umich.edu/govdocs/stsoc.html#wabuse http://www.rainn.org/statutesoflimitationcrim.html http://www.disastercenter.com/crime/uscrime.htm http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/factsheets/svfacts.htm http://www.securityoncampus.org/crimestats/index.html http://www.lib.umich.edu/govdocs/stats.html Making Sense of Rape in America: Where
do the numbers come from and what do they mean? Dean Kilpatrick
This site has great information on laws concerning sexual assault, support programs, articles and related links. National Criminal Justice Reference Service website. Find documents on Improving the Community Response to Sexual Assault Victims at the website for the National Criminal Justice Reference Service website. Among them: Looking Back -- Moving Forward: A Guidebook for Communities Responding to Sexual Assault analyzes the progress of the past two decades in the response to sexual assault cases by law enforcement agents, prosecutors and emergency medical care providers. Looking Back also speaks to the development of rape crisis centers and other victim services that concentrate on meeting the needs of the victim.
National Archive of Criminal Justice Data http://www.icpsr.umich.edu/NACJD/ The National Archive of Criminal Justice Data (NACJD) preserves and distributes computerized crime and justice data from Federal agencies, state agencies, and investigator initiated research projects to users for secondary statistical analysis. Search terms: victimization, National Crime Victimization Survey. This site has some very interesting information and articles. This site includes the following: 1986-1990. Coker, Ann L., and Elizabeth A. Stasny. http://webapp.icpsr.umich.edu/cocoon/NACJD-STUDY/06558.xml The researchers considered whether the type of interview (personal or telephone) and the presence of another person (particularly a spouse) influenced or "gagged" the reporting of rape and domestic violence in the NCVS. It is hypothesized that the inclusion of such yes/no questions would more easily allow victims to report rape or domestic violence incidents in telephone interviews, even with spouses present in the home during the interview. also includes:Cost of Mental Health Care for Victims of Crime in the United States, Criminal Justice Response to Victim Harm in the United States, National Crime Victimization Survey, 1992-2003 (search for latest version) http://www.cia.gov/cia/publications/factbook/ The World Factbook provides national-level information on countries, territories, and dependencies including subjects such as HIV rates, suffrage, legal systems, diplomacy, religions and transnational/international disputes (such as the civil war in Sudan where rape is being used as a tool of war). Information includes how to interpret numbers ( http://www.cia.gov/cia/publications/factbook/docs/notesanddefs.html )
National Center for Injury Prevention and Control http://webappa.cdc.gov/sasweb/ncipc/nfirates2001.html Sexual Assault injuries (nonfatal) in the US per 100,000 people totaled 73,834 for 2003. Of these 67,085 were women and 6,749 were men. 10,259 for every 100,000 women died as a result of violence in the US in 2002 while 39,418 males died as a result of general violence in 2002. This database allows you to find the number of injuries or deaths per year by cause or intent. It also allows you to limit the criteria in a variety of ways for each search. Leading cause of injury to women in 2003 by age group (includes sexual assault)
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Films and Performances On Sexual Assault
http://www.moviesthattrigger.com/ http://www.cambridgedocumentaryfilms.org/rapeis-info.html or http://www.rapeis.org/index.html Rape is...a documentary film which explores the meaning and consequences of rape. It is about "a human rights outrage that leaves millions of women, children and men in a state of terror and pain”.This film is just out and has great reviews. UNC may not have it but perhaps visart will get it soon. Rapeis.org has great links and is an excellent supplement for research or presentations on rape crisis resources. "Cambridge Documentary Films produced the documentary, "Rape is…," as one part of the global effort to stop rape in all of its complex forms...This discussion guide provides supplementary information and discussion resources for the Cambridge Documentary Films production, "Rape is..." We believe that "Rape is..." is an effective tool for social change when used in conjunction with an organized post-viewing discussion. The film introduces important and controversial ideas and the discussion allows viewers to explore and make those ideas their own.."
http://www.vaginamonologues.com/index.html The Vagina Monologues- contains moving feminist perspectives on rape in war torn countries as well as our attitudes towards our own bodies. Available at most movie rental centers.
http://www.alongwalkhome.org/ A Long Walk Home: A Story of A Rape Survivor documents the journey from sexual assault victim to sexual assault survivor. This website gives information concerning the on stage performance of A Long Walk Home. It is a critically aclaimed dramatic peice concerning sexual assault and african american women. The peice is performed at major Universitys and deals with relevant view points on the subject. Escaping
Hades
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How to find journals and articles :
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How to help rape victims
How to help a friend How to help a friend who has been raped http://wc.studentaffairs.duke.edu/sasshthaf.html How to help a friend- basic information
What can you expect after a person
has been raped? http://www.hopeforhealing.org/friend.html How to help rape victims and the
stages of trauma. http://www.rainn.org/whatshould.html RAINN how to help rape victims. How can I help a friend who has been sexually assaulted? http://www.hopeforhealing.org/not.html What not to say to a rape victim. http://endabuse.org/programs/display.php3?DocID=9916 End Abuse Campaigns: Reaching Men http://endabuse.org/programs/printable/display.php3?DocID=9902 audio for endabuse adds to train
boys not to abuse women. http://www.healthy-dating.com/ Program on rape education on middle and high schools
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Rape Crisis Centers by zip code http://www.rainn.org/counseling.html You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline,
operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), or you can
search for your local rape crisis center. This site provides a search
engine to find rape crisis centers in your town. You just need to type
in your zip code. http://www.hopeforhealing.org/crisiscenters.html This is on of the best sites for rape victims.
One of it's functions is to find rape crisis centers near you by state.
http://www.nsvrc.org/ The links section supplies the official website
of each state. The first thing to do is click on the state you live in
and then click on the word search and type in rape. It can help you find
resources available to you locally. Also see the legal section of the
online pathfinder resources. International Rape Crisis Information http://members.aardvark.net.au/~korman/kfp/ International Rape crisis information World Wide Directory of Abuse Lines http://www.hotpeachpages.net/index.html A world wide directory of abuse help lines. http://hotpeachpages.net/canada/air/ Canadian resources primarily. http://members.aardvark.net.au/~korman/rape/help/ Find International hotlines
INTERNATIONAL HOTLINES World wide / International abuse and crisis help lines - http://www.rainn.org/rccs.html Rainn international hotlines http://www.abusehelplines.org/ http://members.aardvark.net.au/~korman/kfp/ http://www.alltheseyears.net/international.htm http://www.pandys.org/aphroditewounded/hotlines.html Pandora's Aquarium searchable hotline posts http://pandys.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=2982 International directory of crisis
hotlines in wonderful threads in pandys. In order to search this thread
please use this
search function
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Suicide hotlines Suicide hotlines and support. You
are not alone. http://www.befrienders.org http://www.befrienders.org/suicidal/glb/referrals.htm
http://www.suicidology.org/associations/1045/files/Support_Groups.cfm http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ Samaritans' mission Samaritans is available 24 hours a day to provide confidential emotional support for people who are experiencing feelings of distress or despair, including those which may lead to suicide. http://directory.google.com/Top/Health/Mental_Health /Disorders/Suicide/Support_Groups/ For more information on suicide prevention and rape survivors try this google search.
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This pathfinder created by M.E.M. INLS 111 UNC Chapel Hill INLS Graduate Student Created March 2003
About the Rape Crisis Pathfinder This pathfinder is for rape victims and their loved ones who are trying to heal and seeking resources to do so. Most rape victims suffer from ptsd, ocd and eating disorders. This pathfinder was created by the researcher as a graduate student in the MLS program (Library Science) at UNC Chapel Hill. Scope: This pathfinder covers international rape crisis resources and research with a focus on the United States. This includes crisis information pages on North Carolina and Louisiana. Subjects dealt with are rape and sexual assault research and rape crisis resources. The research section includes: journal articles, statistics, reference resources, victim blame research, films, bibliographies and online research tools and databases. The crisis resources include international rape crisis center directories, information on health and the psychological effects of rape, date rape drugs, LGBT sexual assault, male sexual assault victims, victim assistance / legal resources, war and rape and online support groups. The catagories of resources are based on an analysis of the information needs of the online rape survivor community for a collection development research project. A third project on how to communicate the mind set of rape trauma syndrome (PTSD, OCD and panic attacks) via images and text was completed as well. The bulk of the information is found under online resources based in part on the need for privacy for assault survivors. The most up to date and useful sources also tend to be online. The biographies are also a good source of healing and catharsis. What happens to a person in the aftermath of rape can make all the difference in the amount of post traumatic stress disorder one suffers in years to follow. Resources change quickly in a world of date rape drugs and general ignorance by the mainstream. You are not alone. The more you understand about what you are going through the more quickly the sharpness will become softer. Many other people have experienced this trauma and what they have learned can help guide you in your healing path.
Please feel free to link into this website. I will be creating a banner soon. Art Work- All drawings on this page were created by the author of this website (M.E.M.)
The Blue Elephant - why this site was created Photo Essay- Perceptions - my story Photo Essay- Soft Glass - my thoughts while creating this site
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This story was not written by the author of this website. It is a universal story describing how many survivors cope with sexual assault. It was written by Lisa Mapes.
"Throughout the past few years of trying my damnedest to survive; I’ve had a secret that I’ve been hiding. Holding onto it closely as if inside of it is locked the secret of whom I once was. For some reason, I cling to it, trailing behind the guilt of what happened one day of my life. I’ve felt the urge to name it, and keep it hiding under my pillow, a huge secret, bigger then an elephant, that god forbid, someone should see, if I forget to make my bed. At first I called it the assault. It was a fairly ambiguous name. It didn’t allow one to suspect more then maybe I had been in a fight with someone outside of a nighclub or that I’d maybe been the victim of a purse snatcher. Then as time progressed, It seemed as if it had grown an attachment to me, and at the same time it was changing form. It was becoming me, or was I becoming it? Maybe it was changing me into something I did not want to be. I was stressed, anxiety began to fill my days and nights. I was afraid to be alone, watching every shadow, terrified of what might be lurking around the corner. Everlasting fear grew that I’d have another elephant thrust upon me, and I would die from its enormous weight crushing my now frail soul. With utter contempt for it was doing to me; I held on tight. It was mine; this huge horror I had been hiding. Despite it being forced upon me, in the middle of the night, maybe in some dark alley way, or perhaps in my own bedroom; I had somehow allowed it to become my possession. I did not want this elephant anymore. It had become my burden. I no longer existed, and I had suddenly become what happened to me that one moment in time. I had let the elephant overcome me. I was no longer able to look forward. One day I realized the elephant had grown so large, I couldn’t hide it under my pillow anymore. Suddenly it was appearing everywhere in my life. Why was it following me? Why did I not leave the burden lie for with whom it belonged; the perpetrator? Why did it have it follow me to work, out with friends or even to the grocery store? I couldn’t hold my head high, I was filled with shame. I wanted to hide at home in order to keep my secrets to myself. Surreptitiously, I’d hoped that I could hide in my closet away from my secrets grasping for seconds of freedom from my shame; or that maybe I could lock them away in a cupboard to revisit another time. Something needed to change. Years of carrying this elephant had begun to take its toll on my life. I had realized that the only way I was to be autonomous, was to let go of this elephant. I had to accept it wasn’t my burden to carry. This burden was my perpetrators, and even if he wasn’t willing to acknowledge his responsibility. I had recognized this was not my affliction. I decided one day, to leave the elephant at pound. It was not mine to carry around. I was able to walk without guilt, because I’d forgiven myself for the pain I had allowed myself to suffer when I thought that I was to blame for this affliction. I would allow myself to mourn. I realize that my life will never be the same having carried an elephant so long. I will never be the same person, nor do I think I’d want to be. I’ve discovered how strong I really am; because it takes a lot of strength to carry around a blue elephant."
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- Finding books at the library
- Encyclopedias and Dictionaries
- Research websites & Online Libraries
- Informative rape crisis sites
- Journals and articles
- Statistics
- Biographies
- Books on healing
- Websites
- Films and music
- Bibliographies
- Grant research
- Current events
- Lesson plans
- Public Service Announcements
- Vocabulary
Training Manuals
- Media and rape
- Medical Training
- Law enforcement toolkit
- Communication with rape victims
- For therapists
Research Subjects
Featured
- Victim blame
- Honor killings
- Secondary victimization
- Multiple victimization
- Vulnerability factors for being victimized
- College and Fraternity Rape
- Womens week events
- Prevention
- Theories
- Self blame
- Invulnerability Theory
- Eating disorders and sexual assault
- Privacy
- War and rape
- Invisible community
Controversial
- Hate crimes
- Rape as a violation of rights- women are not damaged property
- Dyslexia and PTSD
- Female slave trade
- Vocabulary of rape
